I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
MIDGETS
????
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
