i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
