Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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