Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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