So drunk its hurt
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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