why didn't you poke me back
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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