just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
