how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
