We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
