In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
