a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
