my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
