Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
