??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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