STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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