Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
