I faked an abortion last night.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize