I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
