I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
