I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you will always have a special place in my vag
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
