Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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