I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
