why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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