K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
