Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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