Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
