I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
