I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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