Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
