girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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