Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize