so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
