I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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