It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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