Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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