im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're so nebulous sometimes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
