I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
