I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
