So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
