Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
