Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
