this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
