i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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