She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
