I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
