You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
