is your mom at the bar?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
