I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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