Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
