I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
