So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
