I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
