is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
