If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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