Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
