No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
