Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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