i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
