You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
