i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
