You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
