I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
