I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
