I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
