he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
