The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm bleeding and have questions
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
